Freak Me Out (And Not In A Weezer Kind Of Way)

Dear Chester Cheetah,
I think your cheeto stick looks like a bloody hard stool.


That is all.

Foundations

After writing numerous entries about my hatred towards various things and beings I have decided to dedicate an entry to something I have a deep love for. This is something I am truly embarrassed to admit but will anyways in the sake to make myself look less like a hater and more of a congratulator.


I have this weird obsession with red onions. I could eat it raw, eat it cooked, even drink it in a soup. I love this little thing so much, especially on a hot and tasty cheeseburger. Especially on a ciabatta roll with a garlic aioli, heirloom tomatoes and bibb lettuce.

This obsession is totally unhealthy. Like Dr. Drew Celebrity Rehab unhealthy.

Gotta Keep On Moving

The Onion is going after my own heart, and I hate it.

Way to go and tempt my little cheeseburger free black heart with your vicious and delicious propaganda on beef, ass-wad.

Night After Night

God, you taste good on EVERYTHING.

Baby It's You

I'm not one for reminiscing about the past, but I forgot how much I love/missed La Conga in Corvallis, OR.

You're Toxic I'm Slipping Under

Like clockwork, there is always a smell of burning popcorn flowing through the halls. It usually happens between the time of 5:00-5:30 PM EST.

It's a good thing he/she isn't microwaving popcorn in the forest, otherwise Smokey the Bear will be all over his/her/their ass(es).

'88

Why is Dunkin Donuts selling microwavable pizzas?
It would be like Pizza Hut selling stamps, complete useless and a bad idea.

America Runs On Obesity

You Love To Fail

Oh how I love you so...

I would give up my second child for a taste of you. I would offer you my unborn first child, but i have already promised it to a bowl of asparagus & crab soup.