Your Visits Are Getting Shorter

It makes so much sense now.

Y Control

Oh craigslist you silly bitch.

Freak Me Out (And Not In A Weezer Kind Of Way)

Dear Chester Cheetah,
I think your cheeto stick looks like a bloody hard stool.


That is all.

Knocked Up

I hate the feminization or masculinization of names, i.e.

Justina
Markelle
Bobbita
Moesha
George

Relax, Take It Easy

There is something extremely:
unusual
sexy
cute

intriguing about a non-blinking marmot. When it's physically impaired, the level raises even more.

Groundhog Dreams



Speaking of Groundhogs, Bill Murray gives me the case of the yuck.

Somewhere between the 70's psychologist and the modern day leader of a band

Shat I want:




Shat I don't want:

Lethal Enforcer

2009 looks a little like 2008

2009


2008

For You I Keep My Legs Apart

Things I rather do than listen to people talk about the season premiere of Lost:

1. Have sex with a used hypodermic needle
2. Eat my own diarrhea
3. Cut down their cable

Cobrastyle

i love kate miller-heidke

The Bull & The Goat

I am thinking about starting a blog about this unusual phenomenon:
10,000 Asians and that 1 Caucasian.

Wild Beasts

i love feeling like i'm on drugs while being sober.



i think wild beast is my new favorite musical act.

Everything Is Average

Oh hai Facebook. I don't know half of these people.



Thanks for trying though.

7 Things I Learned in 2008

1. According to the State of Hawaii and the Department of Motor Vehicles I have peripheral vision deficiency. This means I now have a class B restriction on my drivers license and can't drive a car without side mirrors.

2. Drinking Patron, Royal Salute and chasing it with a bottle of red wine is not recommended.

3. iPhones are not good investments during the recession.

4. I don't like sitting on chrome.

5. Wii will put my arms out of commission for at least three days.

6. I can't lift a refrigerator.

7. I prefer my dirty martinis, extra dirty and free.


I wonder what I will learn in 2009?

It's The Green Grass

I don't know if I want it or not.

Don't Touch Me Like That

While At Retrospect I've realized how much I dislike the notion of having someone else's clothing on me. Well, at least the clothing of people I don't know. I am weirded out by the prospect that these used clothes may have Monica Lewinksy-esque stains on them or even worse...saliva.

I found this sweater that I really wanted but couldn't bring myself to spend $15 on used clothing that was probably manhandled and left in someone's backseat after a night of anonymous sexual drunkiness.

Google drunk sex and you'll know what I'm talking about.

Boy With A Coin

Things I don't ever want to see while riding the subway ever again:

One:

Blood-stained walkways

Two:

Homeless men masturbating to rats

Three:

Wet or crusty puke on the subway floor, door, seat and platform

The subway is like the reverse version of Las Vegas.

Temptation Is A Mutha...

Dear Cyber Diary,
I almost killed a man today. Academia Café molested my money wallet. They charged me $4.25 for a large iced-tea that is no bigger than a micro penis. It wasn't until I left, that I realized that I was wrongly charged. Since they don't give out receipts I couldn't go back and bitch and moan to them about it. Perhaps I should write them a strongly worded letter expressing my disgust with their business tactics.

I am not having a great time with bills lately. Tria was a bitchface with their two line gratuity and now Academia going "paperless." I think it's a sign that I must stick to chain restaurants (hello McDonalds).

I Tried To Do Hand Stands For You

I think maybe my blog entries should be more specific since quiet a few people think i'm referring to them when in reality i'm not. This goes more so for the angry vague ones.

Hot Damn

I realized that I am beginning to dislike my new neighbor more and more with each passing day.


I am pissed.

Sex

I am a bit annoyed that this song is now stuck in my head:


Leave it to TLC* to inundate my earhole with such things.

*side note:
the commercial is playing as I am writing this.


not this commercial, but the one similar.