Head Heart + Hips

Kahlua’s a turn off, I Tell Him to Smirnoff

2010-07-14T09:30:00.001-04:00

I kinda want to kill a baby gorilla for a chalupa from Taco Bell.

Thank You Spam Filter

2010-03-16T20:30:00.004-04:00

Reasons why I love spam filters.

Movies

2009-10-21T21:13:00.008-04:00

What I have seen since I got to SF:

01. Paper Heart
02. Julie & Julia
03. Inglourious Basterds
04. Jennifer’s Body
05. Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs
06. Fame
07. Surrogates
08. The Informant!
09. New York, I love You
10. Paranormal Activity
11. The Invention of Lying
12. A Serious Man
13. Whip It
14. Zombieland
15. Where The Wild Things Are
16. Law Abiding Citzen
17. The September Issue

****

Updates

18. Astro Boy
19. Amelia
20. Motherhood

****

Updates

21. Daybreakers
22. A Christmas Carol
23. Alice In Wonderland
24. A Single Man
25. Up In The Air
26. The Fantastic Mr. Fox
27. Everybody's Fine
28. 2012
29. The Diary Of A Wimpy Kid

What I Learned Thus Far

2009-10-14T01:30:00.002-04:00

1. I can now tell the difference between human poop and animal feces on the sidewalk.
2. I can now tell the difference between a gun shot and car backfiring.
3. I can now tell the difference between homeless and hipster.

Thank you San Francisco.

Saturday Future Plans

2009-09-18T22:00:00.001-04:00

01. Grab Coffee
02. Watch a movie
03. Lunch at the Pier

A Hot Mess

2009-09-16T17:29:00.005-04:00

I think my neighbor across the hall might be a little slow in the brain. She normally comes home around Midnight and stuff and last night she somehow locked herself out of her apartment or broke her lock. Instead of calling the resident manager she ended up getting a guy from another floor to hack her door open with a bunch of dangerous looking tools. Oh and while all of this was happening, I was standing at my door looking out through the peep hole.

Anyways, this went on for more than an hour (I got bored watching and went to bed at 1 AM and they were still going at that door). I left my apartment this morning only to see duct tape covering the area where the deadbolt used to be.

Great, I now truly believe I live in the ghetto.

Night Night

2009-09-15T18:10:00.004-04:00

Last night I had the most awkward dream where I was putting on:

.

I decided to decipher this hidden message. This is what dreamdictionary.com told me:

To notice your fingernails in your dream, indicates that your defenses are up. Consider the length of the nails, the color (if applicable), the condition, and the cleanliness of the nails for additional meaning to your dream.

To dream that you broke a fingernail, suggests that you are trying to avoid some situation or trying to get out of a responsibility. Alternatively, the dream may reflect your self image. You are overly concerned with how others perceive you.

To dream that you are polishing your fingernails, represents glamour.

To dream that you are chewing your nails, indicates that a problem is too tough to handle. You are not sure how to go about resolving a situation in your waking life.

To dream that you fingernails are growing rapidly, refers to your desires to reach out to someone. You want to be able to extend a part of yourself to others.

To dream that a man has long red fingernails, suggests that he is very in touch with his sensitivity and emotions. It may also relate to issues of sexuality and sensuality.

Interesting...

If I Didn't Know

2009-09-14T16:22:00.005-04:00

Yesterday I was at Borders thumbing through magazine like a normal unemployed person on a Sunday afternoon and realized I browse through magazines & books backwards.

So that got me thinking about that the time I went to a psychic and she told me that I had several pass lives. So I am wondering if I picked up this habit from a pass life.

Freak me out.

Take Me Back

2009-09-14T16:14:00.003-04:00

I've decided to bring back this blog because there is so much I want to say and 140 characters sometimes just isn't enough.

Like there was a time when I wanted talk about how I was sexually harassed by a homeless man or the other time that I was verbally abused on the Golden Gate Bridge or even the time I decided to go to an open call at American Apparel just for the hell of it.

So much to say, so little time.

Don't Squat On My Parade

2009-04-01T21:49:00.005-04:00

I find it interesting that I've been told on numerous occasions that I should have babies with various people at work.

On another work note: Maggie you still owes me four quarters.

So Much Younger Than Today

2009-04-01T20:20:00.003-04:00

I can wait to see how douchey i will look tomorrow. on a side note, I can't stop watching this:

This is perhaps why people who know me, think I'm slightly retarded. But honestly, I believe they secretly like this song too.

Octopus's Garden

2009-03-30T22:17:00.005-04:00

I am quite unaware as to why "Here Comes The Sun" by The Beatles can put such a warm and fuzzy feeling inside of me.

Perhaps, it was when I imagined that if I were to have any children, this would be the song I'd sing to them as a lullaby. Or, perhaps it's the song that I imagine dancing to, in grassy field barefoot, while in the summer rain. Or perhaps I already did.

Whatever the reason...i love it.

Blinking Lights (For Me)

2009-03-30T16:30:00.001-04:00

Much like an STD or the slow extinction of bees, i've come to realize that if I can't change things, I might as well embrace it.

So Long Sweet Winter

2009-03-29T20:50:00.004-04:00

I will soon be able to play my Philly Sex Summer Mix. But, until then my Sweet Love Spring Mix shall suffice.

01. Blackbird: The Beatles
02. Clouds: The Submarines
03. Not a Through Street: Anya Marina
04. Avril 14th: Aphex Twins
05. Black Flowers: Yo La Tengo
06. Fuck Was I: Jenny Owen Youngs
07. Ocean And A Rock: Lisa Hannigan
08. Blinking Lights (For Me): Eels
09. Big Jumps: Emiliana Torrini
10. Never Going Back Again: Fleetwood Mac
11. Sweet Child O' Mine: Taken By Trees
12. Falling Slowly: Glen Hansard
13. Like Daddy, Like Daughter: Gregory & The Hawk
14. Mother Nature's Son: The Beatles

Clouds - The Submarines

Sleeping On Roads

2009-03-28T19:04:00.003-04:00

What 2009 has thought me so far:

01. Lobsters are meant to be eaten and not to be used for racing.
02. Psychics know their shit.
03. It's easier said than done.
04. My pockets aren't getting any deeper.
05. My neighbor is still a bitch.

Oh Hai Awkwardness, I Love You

2009-03-05T21:40:00.001-05:00

Jenn Grant has become my newest old obsession

Even If I Leave You Now

2009-03-01T19:47:00.006-05:00

Things I've overheard this past weekend:

One neighbor choking on some jamaican red hair.
I also heard a neighbor's heterosexual relationship was literally coming to an end while my next neighbor's newfound man-on-man relationship was also literally cumming to an end...but just in a different kind of way.

Details In The Fabric

2009-02-12T22:56:00.006-05:00

Thanks to Red Tettemer's iMate '09 I can finally say I made it onto Trendhunter's website.

Build A Home Like A Bee

2009-02-10T10:51:00.000-05:00

Oh Mike Bones.

Sweet Dreams

2009-02-10T10:30:00.002-05:00

Dreams do come true.

Your Visits Are Getting Shorter

2009-02-08T17:37:00.000-05:00

It makes so much sense now.

Y Control

2009-02-06T10:43:00.001-05:00

Oh craigslist you silly bitch.

Freak Me Out (And Not In A Weezer Kind Of Way)

2009-02-03T09:10:00.004-05:00

Dear Chester Cheetah,
I think your cheeto stick looks like a bloody hard stool.

That is all.

Knocked Up

2009-02-02T23:11:00.002-05:00

I hate the feminization or masculinization of names, i.e.

Justina
Markelle
Bobbita
Moesha
George

Relax, Take It Easy

2009-01-27T21:34:00.005-05:00

There is something extremely:
~~unusual~~
~~sexy~~
~~cute~~

intriguing about a non-blinking marmot. When it's physically impaired, the level raises even more.

Groundhog Dreams

Speaking of Groundhogs, Bill Murray gives me the case of the yuck.

Somewhere between the 70's psychologist and the modern day leader of a band

2009-01-25T14:27:00.006-05:00

Shat I want:

Shat I don't want:

Lethal Enforcer

2009-01-17T17:00:00.002-05:00

2009 looks a little like 2008

2009

2008

For You I Keep My Legs Apart

2009-01-15T15:35:00.003-05:00

Things I rather do than listen to people talk about the season premiere of Lost:

1. Have sex with a used hypodermic needle
2. Eat my own diarrhea
3. Cut down their cable

Cobrastyle

2009-01-12T22:38:00.001-05:00

i love kate miller-heidke

The Bull & The Goat

2009-01-11T17:50:00.004-05:00

I am thinking about starting a blog about this unusual phenomenon:
10,000 Asians and that 1 Caucasian.

Wild Beasts

2009-01-09T15:06:00.003-05:00

i love feeling like i'm on drugs while being sober.

i think wild beast is my new favorite musical act.

Everything Is Average

2009-01-04T21:45:00.005-05:00

Oh hai Facebook. I don't know half of these people.

Thanks for trying though.

7 Things I Learned in 2008

2009-01-01T18:06:00.009-05:00

1. According to the State of Hawaii and the Department of Motor Vehicles I have peripheral vision deficiency. This means I now have a class B restriction on my drivers license and can't drive a car without side mirrors.

2. Drinking Patron, Royal Salute and chasing it with a bottle of red wine is not recommended.

3. iPhones are not good investments during the recession.

4. I don't like sitting on chrome.

5. Wii will put my arms out of commission for at least three days.

6. I can't lift a refrigerator.

7. I prefer my dirty martinis, extra dirty and free.

I wonder what I will learn in 2009?

It's The Green Grass

2008-12-18T22:07:00.004-05:00

I don't know if I want it or not.

Don't Touch Me Like That

2008-11-29T14:19:00.007-05:00

While At Retrospect I've realized how much I dislike the notion of having someone else's clothing on me. Well, at least the clothing of people I don't know. I am weirded out by the prospect that these used clothes may have Monica Lewinksy-esque stains on them or even worse...saliva.

I found this sweater that I really wanted but couldn't bring myself to spend $15 on used clothing that was probably manhandled and left in someone's backseat after a night of anonymous sexual drunkiness.

Google drunk sex and you'll know what I'm talking about.

Boy With A Coin

2008-11-23T18:54:00.007-05:00

Things I don't ever want to see while riding the subway ever again:

One:

Blood-stained walkways

Two:

Homeless men masturbating to rats

Three:

Wet or crusty puke on the subway floor, door, seat and platform

The subway is like the reverse version of Las Vegas.

Temptation Is A Mutha...

2008-11-20T09:27:00.006-05:00

Dear Cyber Diary,
I almost killed a man today. Academia Café molested my money wallet. They charged me $4.25 for a large iced-tea that is no bigger than a micro penis. It wasn't until I left, that I realized that I was wrongly charged. Since they don't give out receipts I couldn't go back and bitch and moan to them about it. Perhaps I should write them a strongly worded letter expressing my disgust with their business tactics.

I am not having a great time with bills lately. Tria was a bitchface with their two line gratuity and now Academia going "paperless." I think it's a sign that I must stick to chain restaurants (hello McDonalds).

I Tried To Do Hand Stands For You

2008-11-19T15:20:00.002-05:00

I think maybe my blog entries should be more specific since quiet a few people think i'm referring to them when in reality i'm not. This goes more so for the angry vague ones.

Hot Damn

2008-11-17T08:37:00.002-05:00

I realized that I am beginning to dislike my new neighbor more and more with each passing day.

I am pissed.

Sex

2008-11-16T21:21:00.002-05:00

I am a bit annoyed that this song is now stuck in my head:

Leave it to TLC* to inundate my earhole with such things.

*side note:
the commercial is playing as I am writing this.

not this commercial, but the one similar.

Make Up Your Mind

2008-11-15T13:53:00.004-05:00

it's a little too obvious...

Big Jumps

2008-11-11T22:22:00.002-05:00

Emiliana Torrini is my new favorite old artist.

Good Times

2008-11-02T21:23:00.006-05:00

Sarah Palin is the Wile E.Coyote of modern day television.

Halloween Douche

2008-11-02T18:34:00.004-05:00

I am all for child prodigies like Tatum O'Neal but Adam Sevani can eat me until pigs learn to fly.

I think it's super douchy to re-make Thriller. It's unoriginal, uninspiring and unflattering. Let's keep re-makes of Thriller to the professionals.

If I You Like It Then You Should Have Put A Ring On It

2008-10-30T23:34:00.003-04:00

Has Beyoncé moved on from Loreal to NuvaRing spokeswoman?

I guess she'll do anything for a quick buck.

God I love Porno

2008-10-30T22:05:00.000-04:00

Oh My Gawww, amazing.

Dear Philadelphia

2008-10-29T22:25:00.005-04:00

I am tremendously happy that Phillies won the World Series. This means that life can return back to its usual self. Everyone will be in better moods and I don't have to deal with people constantly talking about baseball, complaining about baseball or being all baseball emo-dramatic.

May be now I can finally understand Cory Matthews fascination with the Phillies.

With that said:
Congratulation Phillies!

And on a side note: Philadelphia, stop being like this baby by using your car horn as a noise maker your gunshots are plenty fine.

Pretty Green

2008-10-27T22:13:00.004-04:00

Things I enjoy on a quad-weekly basis:

Lights Out By Santogold

Taking a Bath

Your Girlfriend's Car

2008-10-27T10:31:00.013-04:00

Dear God, I can't wait until this fucking World Series is over, I'm sick of hearing people shouting baseball shit in my earspace at 3 am. The next time someone shouts "PHILLIES!!!" I'm going ball tap the shit out of them & if it's a female I'll probably give them the ole pap check.

And just because you haven't won a World Series game since 1980 doesn't give you the right to be an big fat obnoxious ass monster.

I'm dedicating this song to The World Series 2008.

Chick Magnet

2008-10-27T08:58:00.002-04:00

Yesterday while at the Franklin Fountain, I overheard a man talking about his dogs. Dog No. 1 was named Gumby, and Dog No. 2 was named French Fry.

Very Interesting

They Tried To Make Me Go To Rehab

2008-10-26T21:19:00.005-04:00

Boot crap I want for the Fall:

Gucci Brown Leather Slouch Boot

Snowjoggers Plaid Boot

Hunter Original Brown Wellies

Your Hands Are Warm

2008-10-26T17:32:00.003-04:00

All it takes is a little faith and a lot of heart. Walking is such a chore. My walking journey for the day.

Dunkards Worst Nightmare

2008-10-24T14:28:00.001-04:00

Funday

While We Go Dancing

2008-10-23T17:54:00.003-04:00

Rachel sends you salutations and things.

Slutty Babe

2008-10-22T22:06:00.003-04:00

I am in love with Of Montreal's Skeletal Lamping album. They almost always know the right thing to say.

I Need Your Love

2008-10-19T16:43:00.013-04:00

According to Mapquest I walked 3.26 miles today. But in reality it's a little more because I had to make a bathroom detour at Barnes & Nobles.

On a side note: I'm not too sure what to make of Pub and Kitchen's brunch menu. Too much items using eggs as a main ingredient. I However did like their mimosas, the $10 bloody mary…not so much.

What's Up Fat Lip

2008-10-18T22:45:00.002-04:00

I wish I could view life in slow motion.

Sleepless

2008-10-18T16:51:00.003-04:00

If I were high or drunk and saw this, I think I would have flipped the hell out.

Even If It Leads Nowhere

2008-10-17T23:25:00.004-04:00

It takes practice to be so fake.

Bullshit King

2008-10-17T21:24:00.003-04:00

I think it's time they starting making pills for photosensitive epileptic seizures because the Retro Kidz "New Era" video is a major cause in this epidemic.

Turn The Lights Down Low

2008-10-17T09:46:00.002-04:00

Britney Spear's new video Womanizer is like porn, when you turn the volume off.

hot mess both literally and figuratively.

I Was Made For You

2008-10-14T08:56:00.003-04:00

There are days I become so obsessive over certain items. Today is one of those days. I am craving a piece of hot apple pie ass with a side of Rosemary Honey Goat's Milk from Capogiro.

I want you inside of me, making love with my digestive fluids.

Take It To The Beat

2008-10-13T23:17:00.001-04:00

Thank god, they're not on twitter.

Welcome To The Slums

2008-10-12T11:25:00.007-04:00

Sometimes I find acoustic music intriguing, especially when it's a cover song done by a person with no real connection to the lyrics what-so-ever.

case in point: Alejandro Manzano's version of "Take You There" By Sean Kingston.

BUT at least "Beautiful Girl" doesn't make him sound so Vanilla Ice.

But Inevitably You'll Be Back Again

2008-10-09T21:39:00.005-04:00

I really hate meeting new people (who are sober) when I'm drunk because 92.895% of the time I will not remember this person when I AM sober. So then when I run into them on a less than crowded street, I come off as a jack-ass for not remembering their:

A) Face
B) Name
C) What We Talked About
D) Who We Know In Common
E) Where We Met The First Time

Being social can be such a chore.

Douche Of The Week

2008-10-08T05:22:00.008-04:00

Dear A-Rod,
You suck and I don't like you. I would compare you to Hilter but I don't think Hitler ever dined with women or ate burgers. You are not a manicorn. You are a horrible human being.

UPDATE:
Upon further inspection I realized that A-Rod looks a whole lot like Leonid The Magnificent from Season 1 of America's Got Talent. They're like sisters from another Mister.

Alex Rodriguez

Leonid The Magnificent

All You Ever Wanted

2008-10-07T10:49:00.003-04:00

Are humans the only animal on the planet to have pubic hair? I was wondering about this during my 9:15 meeting today. hmmmm

Set The Night To Music

2008-10-06T23:29:00.002-04:00

If you don't respect yourself, who will?

Your Hands Are Sticky

2008-10-06T22:32:00.005-04:00

Thanks to Spektrum's "Don't Be Shy" video, I know what I'm going to dress up for Halloween at work. I just hope they have those sunglasses in my size.

Love Doesn't Last Too Long

2008-10-05T22:33:00.002-04:00

Craigslist Missed Connections is like Twitter but for the microblogging impaired:

P.S.
you sound like a stalker.

The French Connection

2008-10-05T16:23:00.003-04:00

Sometimes the French makes nice music with the exception of the last, I don't like that song. I just like the video.

artist: yelle
song: ce jeu

artist: little
song: je veux de violons

artist: rose
song: la liste

artist: zaho
song: c'est chelou

Songbird

2008-09-29T22:40:00.008-04:00

Sometimes I wish I had a decent voice and knowledge of how to play a musical instrument (preferably the guitar) so I could just sit in a coffee shop or street corner and just sing for a living. Not singing my own songs but just cover songs. Acoustify death metal and grunge. I would turn "Angel Of Death" by Slayer or "The Art of Shredding" by Pantera into an acoustic love song. That would be my dream job if talent wasn't a deciding factor.

I would also eat bagels all day and wish to God every night that I were a pirate.

Love Can Move Moutains

2008-09-28T17:51:00.004-04:00

I really dislike typography animation of sorts on Youtube but however I do enjoy this one:

I like the fact that it has nothing to do with Pulp Fiction, Dexter, Requiem For a Dream, etc, etc. etc.

Edit

2008-09-28T11:47:00.010-04:00

I hate working on the weekends. Whenever I come in to work, Woodbine acts like I'm his best friend and proceeds to follow me everywhere. Like he thinks we're super best friends and feels that he can masturbate in front of me like it's nothing.

NEWS FLASH WOODBINE!
We will never be that close, so stop pleasuring yourself on my brown sofa, blue wingback chair & Staci's desk.

I'm Bringing HIVBack

2008-09-27T22:14:00.010-04:00

Totally not into it. Too Cheesy. Try again. Just because it's French, it doesn't make it sexy. God imagine if David Beckham & Justin Timberlake had a baby. It would probably look & sound something like this. Apparently Timbaland ejaculated his musical semen all down Matt Pokora's throat because it sounds so much like a FutureSex/LoveSounds.

On that note: Matt Pokora, Justin Timberlake called and he wants his 2006 style back.

Buckle In The Bible Belt

2008-09-27T20:50:00.002-04:00

A little bit obsessed over this song and video "Caney Mountain" by Ha Ha Tonka

All Dressed Up In Dream

2008-09-26T19:04:00.002-04:00

Things I currently love on youtube

Sticky Notes

Light Grafitti

Ben Fold feat. Regina Spektor "You Don't Know Me"

Something I Love & Something I Hate

2008-09-25T21:18:00.005-04:00

Sia "Day Too Soon (Acoustic)"

Matt Duke "Oysters"

Shave The Pussy

2008-09-25T14:41:00.004-04:00

I would like to thank Rachel from across the hall for sending this to me.
Shave The Pussy is the only way I can look at a fiffi without throwing up.

I Turn My Camera On

2008-09-25T10:54:00.002-04:00

I am thinking about dedicating my blogging efforts into an online journal of my steady progression to alcoholism.

At least now it will have a theme.

2008-09-23T23:45:00.003-04:00

I LIKE THAT I CAN WRITE WHATEVER I WANT TO.
FUCK
TITS
BALLS
WANG
NARDS
LADY GARDEN
SWAMP CROTCH
AIDS
DIARRHEA
ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION

Walking & Running

2008-09-23T22:31:00.003-04:00

Something I CAN get enough of:

Rejection by Martin Solveig

Totally hating on it.

She Came In Through The Bathroom Window

2008-09-23T09:02:00.002-04:00

That's easy for Washington to say, they pop out babies at the age of 9 there.

Give It Lose It Take It

2008-09-22T23:42:00.003-04:00

I'm not sorry that I love you.

Sorry, Blame It On Me

2008-09-22T21:01:00.004-04:00

Gawd, I need to get my hands on a credit card a.s.a.p. because I want to get this hot piece of plastic ass in my possession:

Lomography Diana+ Camera

Like now, RIGHT NOW.

I Want To Hold Your Hand

2008-09-21T16:53:00.004-04:00

I know I have said time and time again that I am giving up meat and products relating to meat. But I think this time it might actually stick.

I have come to the conclusion that i'm not really into meat unless it's in a form of a double cheeseburger. With that said I am switching over to seafood opposed to an all beef diet.

But if a big juicy steak crosses my path, all rules are out the window.

Window Blues

2008-09-21T11:25:00.002-04:00

I really love this sweater by Scotch & Soda. I want to wear it everyday and never take it off. I might have to buy it today.

UPDATE:
So instead of purchasing this sweater I decided to spend my money on some organic cotton bath towels from West Elm and some organic deodorant and bath wash from Whole Foods.

Carry On Up The Morning

2008-09-20T23:36:00.002-04:00

Dramatel

The sad thing about this, it's a real commercial.

Same Old Stuff

2008-09-19T17:02:00.006-04:00

It didn't make it to twitter, but it's online none-the-less.

POKER FACE!!!!

2008-09-17T08:53:00.002-04:00

I don't know what this is, but I want it for my apartment because it's old timey retro awesome.

It All Makes Sense Now

2008-09-14T15:48:00.002-04:00

Song Envy

2008-09-13T14:16:00.007-04:00

I have a massive case of song envy for "Beard Lust" by Natalie Portman's Shaved Head. Also, their song "Sophisticated Side Ponytail" isn't bad either.

I am thinking if Red Tettemer does a 2nd Annual Beard Off, "Beard Lust" needs to be the event's theme song.

Jerk It

2008-09-11T22:24:00.001-04:00

I am obsessed with this video by thunderheist

Suck Lemons

2008-09-08T16:28:00.003-04:00

I wonder if Beyoncé approved this near pornographic iTunes photo of herself.

Highways Of Gold

2008-09-03T20:46:00.002-04:00

Dear CSS,
If you weren't a band & based in Brazil, I would hunt you down and mate with you.

Woman Friend

2008-09-02T23:34:00.004-04:00

Grandma shouldn't be doing Yoga. It makes her look loose and very easy.

The Little Things

2008-09-02T22:51:00.004-04:00

Fuck you facebook. What are you trying to say? I hate you. You suck.

I'm Too Old To Be Frontin'

2008-09-02T21:56:00.002-04:00

I can't believe 52 people changed their Facebook photo within a week.
Too much information.

Oh look Rachel changed her photo. HI RACHEL.

Pity The Fool

2008-09-01T23:14:00.003-04:00

Things that are interesting and not necessarily in a great way.

Paper Planes Acoustic Version

Coldplay "Viva La Vida" directed by Hype Williams

Kanye West feat Chris Martin "Homecoming" directed by Hype Willams

We Put A Pearl In The Ground

2008-09-01T21:44:00.004-04:00

I was talking to my mom a few days ago and kept hearing this annoying banging in the background. At first I thought it was just cellphone reception, but it kept persisting. So, I asked her what that awful noise was and she responded with:

"Oh, that's just your brother banging on the drums."